Was it a stroke of luck?“You’re lucky.” It’s a phrase I’ve heard often since my stroke—lucky to have my sight, lucky to have avoided more severe deficits, and lucky to be here.
I don’t feel lucky about what happened. But I do feel grounded in gratitude for the path of healing I’m on, for the people walking beside me, and for the ways this experience continues to shape how I see myself and the world. This blog is where I make sense of that journey in real time—through story, reflection, and the quiet work of rebuilding. |
Q: Share an intention that’s important to you right now and how do you use it in your daily life to support your healing or wellbeing?
An intention I lean into right now is, I can stop. "Getting better" is sometimes misleading. What does that look like? What does that feel like? For me it often matched up with doing more - a slippery slope towards overdoing which could easily turn into neurofatigue with longer-term effects. I don't need to do... I don't need to be busy. I can stop. Q: Share an “I am” statement that reflects your intention/how you want to live your life right now. I allow myself to relax. I am curious. I can wait.
BackgroundFinding an adaptive climbing program was important because that meant people at the gym have worked with people with disabilities. I still wasn’t sure how things would go for me, I’m always conscious that having non-visible disabilities means that you’re not seen - so I was excited and nervous. The intake form had the opportunity to explain my my concerns and limitations - it was great to get that all laid out prior. I tried to be very explicit since I knew it would help them plan for the help I might need.
So what are my challenges in this situation? I had an ischemic stroke in the RMCA so I have a weaker left side, and both my ankle and wrist can have poor range of motion as well as my (my previously frozen) shoulder. Since I can’t feel anything in my hand I was worried about being able to hold on or accidentally slipping off the holds- and since the concussion my hand’s been wonky (that’s a technical term). I just had no way of knowing if I could functionally do the work of climbing and pretty sure I hadn't given my cognitive disabilities much thought, more on that later.  In mindfulness you pay attention to your present thoughts, emotions, sensations, and environment with curiosity and kindness - without interpretation or judgment.
Q: How does mindfulness show up in your life? Learning about mindfulness has made me aware how much I ground. Through mindful meditation I’ve been able to improve my attention and focus. It’s allowed me to shift away, but return… not always chasing the random thoughts. The LYB guided meditations are amazing as they are developed for people with brain injury so there are no extra sounds; they are simple and clear to follow - not too wordy :)  This week I began a 6-week LoveYourBrain (LYB) Yoga Mindset program as a participant, the role in which I began. I purposely chose the session because the facilitator is amazing. I was pleasantly surprised to find myself sharing space with someone I took the same program with previously and 2 folks from the mindfulness programs that I facilitated. I'm so very excited for these next 6 weeks.
Q: What’s one thing that has helped you become more resilient? Resilience is the "capacity to remain flexible and adaptable while facing life's challenges." If I consider my relationship with resilience I think about many moments that could have 'broken me' but didn't - like my grandmother dying in my arms, my almost 10-year marriage ending, the subsequent family court proceedings, the stress of being a single-parent, and my brother's death. I didn't know I was resilient until I learned about it after the stroke, during my first LYB session. I know helping others has in turn helped me tremendously and becoming a mindfulness facilitator has been an incredible learning experience. During this session a perspective I'd given during my facilitation of the program was shared as a tool for positive mindset. There are no good versus bad days, instead there are good days, and recovery/restorative days. It's all about giving yourself a little grace and understanding that any time you're doing what your brain and body need is a GREAT day!  Deserts are a sacred space. Each of the aunts had a specialty - like Tia Lucila's carrot cake. There were multiple flan adaptations and you could tell the subtle difference between Tia Cira's or my mom's based on the shape, and garnish - the signature grated coconut and a maraschino cherry. Tia Vina was the cake artist who used piping to make doll cakes complete with a big belle skirt. My Abuela made Panetela Boracha - a rum soaked sponge cake. I'm sure I'm forgetting something, and I'm hopeful one of my many awesome cousins will remind me. My mom's bread pudding is also a classic. She's an old-school cook and makes her food with love and instinct. She knows how much milk based on the feeling of the mixture and if it feels too wet she adds more bread. We did our best to capture the recipe, give or take a smidge on quantities. Have fun with it. IngredientsFor the batter 2 loaves white bread (any sliced bread will work) - no butts 3 cups whole milk (we used almond milk) 5 large eggs 1 cup white sugar 1 1/3 cup canola oil 1 tablespoon vanilla extract 1 can sweetened condensed milk Mix-Ins 1 3/4 cup crushed pineapple, juice reserved 1 1/4 cup shredded coconut 1 1/4 cup chopped walnuts 1 cup raisins For the caramel 3/4 cup sugar 1/4 cup water DirectionsThere are two ways to get started. Most recipes ask that you preheat the oven to 350. My mom prefers not to preheat because the water gets hot and sloshy, either way will work - she uses a cold oven set at 375. For either method you will need a large roasting pan filled 2/3 of the way with water. Your round cake pan should be able to fit nicely inside of this pan. Place this water filled pan in the oven while you make the recipe. It's called a "bana de Maria", or water bath.
To unmold, run a knife around the edges, and flip over into a large plate - large enough to hold the caramel! The caramel will now be on the top and drip all around. Cut into large slices and enjoy! |
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