Was it a stroke of luck?“You’re lucky.” It’s a phrase I’ve heard often since my stroke—lucky to have my sight, lucky to have avoided more severe deficits, and lucky to be here.
I don’t feel lucky about what happened. But I do feel grounded in gratitude for the path of healing I’m on, for the people walking beside me, and for the ways this experience continues to shape how I see myself and the world. This blog is where I make sense of that journey in real time—through story, reflection, and the quiet work of rebuilding. |
Why it Matters
It had been a little over 7 months since my stroke. This was the first time I was being called on to really trust my body to coordinate in a dynamic way. I needed to leave the ground with symmetry, keep track of myself in space, then ‘stick the landing’ while maintaining my balance and stopping my momentum. I cried tears of joy afterwards. It may seem simple, especially since research says by 24 months, 50% of children can jump with both feet off the ground. I borrowed this from the same source: Jumping helps to develop leg strength and balance. It requires coordination of upper and lower extremity movements... Jumping is a building block for more complex movements, specialized skills, and general physical activity. GRATITUDE
Today I cried in physical therapy. I wish i could say it was because of pain, but it wasn’t. I wish I could say it was the first time it had happened, but it wasn’t. I remember the exact feeling in the rehab gym at Skyridge. It was the first time they had me at the therapy stairs. I froze in fear, quiet tears filled my eyes and my arm shook the way it still does when I’m nervous or uncomfortable. I’ve since successfully walked up and down many flights of stairs, sometimes even backward (under professional supervision). Today I was asked to jump. Just typing that is evoking fear and more tears. I attribute my zero fall post-stroke record to being uber careful.
As my therapist described what she wanted it required me to leave the ground with both legs and land on both feet- coordination that has not yet been proven successful. Everything about it felt uncomfortable. Yet not unsafe. I know she’d never ask me to do anything she didn’t think i was capable of. Her job is to help fix, not break me. Plus, i know a fall equals a shit ton of paperwork. So after soaking my mask in tears and snot I took some deep breaths, told Sonia why I was freaking out, took more breaths and focused on her demonstrating what I was about to do. With faith in my whole body I went into a squat then jumped up, landing into a squat. I did that six times... and I once more successfully challenged a limitation of my stroke that was perceived. So apparently it’s really difficult for me to tell time. And I keep thinking it’s an hour later than it is. So with the extra hour I had before Maya picked me up, I made these for each of the therapy groups that worked with me. #strokerehab #strokesurvivor #strokesurvivorsneverquit
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