Was it a stroke of luck?“You’re lucky.” It’s a phrase I’ve heard often since my stroke—lucky to have my sight, lucky to have avoided more severe deficits, and lucky to be here.
I don’t feel lucky about what happened. But I do feel grounded in gratitude for the path of healing I’m on, for the people walking beside me, and for the ways this experience continues to shape how I see myself and the world. This blog is where I make sense of that journey in real time—through story, reflection, and the quiet work of rebuilding. |
Some people give me a funny look if I say, "Happy New Year!" this late in the month. But I’m firm in my belief that ifI haven’t seen you yet, I can wish you well anytime in January when our paths first cross. Our cards are just landing, and so far, no sassy replies (yet). I almost skipped sending cards this year because life got a little hectic, but I didn’t want to let the circumstances stop a 24-year tradition. If I ever decide not to send cards, it’ll be a conscious choice. Seriously though—we may be close, the kiddo will be 25 this year. Time flies!
The original title of this post was: "Where the frick have I been the last six months?!" I’ve been updating my website this weekend, and as I reluctantly dove into the blog section, I was surprised to realize it’s been over six months since I last posted. At first, I felt the need to explain myself, but then I remembered: who’s really reading this anyway? I’ve been busy, distracted, hibernating, working on great things, working on nothing, doing a whole lot of stuff, and a whole lot of nothing. Most importantly, I’ve been healing and living, and honestly, I owe no one an explanation. So, with all that said, I wish you all a very happy and healthy 2025!  Self-talk is the internal dialogue we have with ourselves. It’s normal to engage in negative self-talk because the brain is wired to pay more attention to negative rather than positive information, which is heightened after a brain injury. Addressing Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTS) through positive thinking/self-talk is important to interrupt self-limiting thoughts that undermine our ability to heal and thrive. It's not about ‘looking on the bright side’ or convincing ourselves everything is okay. It’s a tool for showing ourselves some self-compassion.
Q: What’s one positive outcome of your brain injury that you maybe didn’t expect? It may seem odd but I actually believe there are a number of positive outcomes. First and foremost, I have never been as tuned in to myself as I am today. I have a heightened awareness of my body, how it functions, and how to most positively engage myself. I've learned a great deal on the importance of self-care and how to be okay with making my health (physical and mental) a priority. I've developed a more steady stream of self-kindness and have been able to witness my on-going resilience. Chapter 3: Healing
Day 17: What do you need to forgive yourself for? Write the first step towards letting go. I really try not to live with regrets. I guess I should forgive myself for not giving Maya enough. I really tried for her life to not be impacted by our separation but that was naïve. Of course it would impact her and that's OK. I should've allowed it to happen, given myself a lot less stress and let her build her resilience. Maybe the first step is figuring out how to tell her all of this. When and where... timing is so important. Chapter 3: Healing
Day 16: Revisit a time you felt the most disconnected in your life. What happened? How did it impact your thoughts? What lessons did you learn from it? The most the most disconnected I've ever felt is over these past few years. I feel disconnected from my body and my life in many ways. I think the most obvious is the out of body feeling for the past two years due to the neglect and extension along with my left side. Less obvious is the emotional disconnect I've felt - it's a distance that has been hard to notice sometimes and I bet it makes me seem either self-centered or insensitive. It's hard to remind yourself to feel or to reach out to your emotions .I've been made to feel like a shittier version of myself. I've learned I need to check in more and be slower, to give time to brain connect more than body connect. I really miss the body connection. Chapter 2: Self Love Day 15: Write an encouraging letter to your younger self. Hey Tania -
Just a quick note to let you know you're resilient and are capable of so many amazing moments if you pay attention to where you are and live in that moment. Be mindful and stay present - it will serve you well. Keep your eyes fixed forward no matter what happens and keep pressing on - you'll get through it, I promise. Just one word of caution - don't get too tough. It takes a while to thaw and you might miss opportunities to connect with people. ❤️☮️ Me Chapter 2: Self Love Day 13 Do you feel loved? If you loved yourself more, how would the world see you? I do feel very loved - least of all by me. I only say that because I feel distant from myself. It's just that less than sparkly look in my eyes, the weird smile...my arm. My body parts just don't totally feel like they are mine yet. I'm not sure 'the world' is aware. If they are, perhaps they'd see me as less hesitant and more open. Today I sit a little guarded.
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