The Diagnosis I Didn’t Know Existed

Here’s something I’ve never talked about publicly. Not because I was hiding — but because I didn’t know it had a name. For most of my life, my weight felt like a battle I couldn’t quite win. Sometimes the pressure came from me. More often, it came from the world around me — subtle comments and expectations.

Either way, it settled into my thoughts, my nervous system, and in the way I moved through the world.

I tried. I really tried... everything. At one point, I lost almost 80 pounds, and still... my thighs didn’t change. My upper arms didn’t change. My lower belly didn’t change. Not in the way you’re told they’re supposed to when you “do everything right.”

​Those parts of my body felt different. Heavy. Tender. I bruised easily — even my dog, Stevie Nicks- would leave tiny paw sized marks. If she rested on my lap too long, it ached.  It never made sense. So I did what many of us do. I assumed it was me.

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